When I woke up this morning, I was dreaming about visiting my Spanish friend, Estefanía, in Lanzarote. The stupid thing is that she is not even from Lanzarote: she is from Tenerife. She is also living in England.

I went to Lanzarote with Yu Lee, and I'm pretty sure there was at least on other person travelling with us, possibly my brother, Bob. When we got there we waited for Estefanía and it was raining. I remember thinking "Every time I come to Lanzarote it rains" which is not true as I've been there once (as an adult) and it was sunny the whole time.

When we met Estefanía she took us to her parents' house, but then she had to go an do something so she left us there. In the meantime her mum and brothers arrived at the house. I went to the hallway to greet them.

"Hola."

Her mum looked at me and smiled and replied "Hola."

Then I came back into the living room, and her brothers came in too. There were loads of them and they were all very young.

"Hola." I said again, this time her youngest brother replied in perfect English.

"Hi. We don't really speak Spanish, we prefer to speak English."

"¿Por qué?" I asked. "Why?"

"Porque (because) it's a more useful language than Spanish." (or words to that effect)

Later Estefanía arrived and I went outside with her, and we were alone in the garden. I told her (in Spanish) that I thought it was strange that her brothers didn't speak any Spanish.

That's the last thing I remember before waking up.

Another weird thing about this dream is that the island didn't look at all like Lanzarote: it was green and forested, with English style buildings and no mountains anywhere.

I dreamt that a foreign guy was with us. I had no idea where he was from and I'm not 100% sure why he was with us, but I had a vague idea that there was some kind of event on, like the Olympics, and we had been enrolled to take him out to welcome him to England. All we had to do was to take him to a nice restaurant.

Looking at the guy it was difficult to tell if he was European or Asian: he kind of looked half way in between. He didn't really speak English and had a thick accent that was very similar at times to a Spanish accent. As he didn't speak the same language as us he obviously didn't speak much, but he did say a few words, and a couple of times when he had to say something with a number in it he would write the number out on a piece of paper and show it to us whilst saying it very slowly. Every time he showed us the numbers they looked as if they'd been typed.

We had pork knuckle as the starter, and I don't remember the main course but we also had a bottle of wine. When it was time to go the waiter gave him the bill and he wrote the total on a bit of paper, which he held up to show us and once again it looked like it had been typed.

"Nine-thousand two-hundred and fifty-four euros" he said looking a little bit unsure.

The bit of paper said £410 on it, so I said very slowly and clearly "No, it's four-hundred and ten pounds."

He repeated it to me, correctly this time, and I asked Yu Lee how it could possibly cost so much. She told me to add it up, so I did it out loud:

"One-hundred for the pork knuckle; one-hundred for the wine; two-hundred for the main course. Ok, that does seem right."

We paid the bill and the foreign guy stayed there looking nervous. As I'd thought his accent seemed a bit Spanish I asked him "¿Hablas Español?"

He looked at me blankly and told me that he didn't understand. Then I asked him where he was from and he said some country that I'd never heard of. I didn't want to make him repeat himself as he was finding it hard to speak English so I made out like I understood.

I remember several fragments of this dream with varying degrees of clarity.

The vaguest memory is from the earliest part of the dream. I remember we had builders in doing work in the garden, and something about large metal boxes / very small sheds that the previous people had left behind. They seemed to slot together and half fill the side passage.

The next part of the dream was in some kind of venue. We were at an event that seemed like a stand-up comedy show, except the guy doing it wasn't a comedian, but some guy giving a presentation that seems to have quiz elements to it.

After we'd been at the 'show' for quite a while, the guy on the stage asks a question "In music, what is a <something>?" I instinctively think it's when you lower the pitch by a tone, and then he plays some music with it in as an example and I'm sure that I was right. Someone in the audience puts up their hand and says what I was thinking and they were right.

I turn to the others in my group and say that I want to leave early to avoid the rush of people leaving, and they are all asleep. They wake up and we discuss it, and they say they want to wait until the end, even though they were all sleeping. At that moment the show finishes and everyone gets up, and I'm annoyed that no one listened to me.

The final part of my dream was the clearest, especially when I'd just woken up.

I'm at WorldPay, and it's my final week there. I'm talking to a girl (I think the Bolivian girl) about wiki pages. She says

"Who will write the wiki pages when you're gone?"

I said that I wrote the wiki page, and I wrote the tool that the page is about. I said all of the software is written by half of the test team, and the other devs just do bug fixes.

We are walking outside now because it's the end of the day, and it is sunny outside. I realise that I've worked a full day by accident, when I'm only supposed to be working half days. This means that instead of having 4 half days left I only have 3.

I'm talking to Carlos as we walk, and I tell him about an interesting tapa that I've had in a restaurant (in England). It was half of a fried pear with crispy bacon on top. He says

"I've never heard of that before, it must be from somewhere in Andalucía."

Paul Francis (from my school) and another dream character, either Rod (from my school) or Zen (my girlfriend's brother) were sleeping over at my house. Paul was being a dick just like he is in real life, and he kept pushing his luck and winding me up. I'm sure I hit him at some point, and once he did a horrible burp in my face so I spat in his face and he seemed to get the message to leave me alone.

At some point during the dream he gave me a t-shirt.

We were just about to go to sleep at around midnight, when Zen / Rod's phone rings and it's someone asking him if he wants to play table tennis outside. He asks if I want to come and I say "obviously not" and he disappears outside.

As we are about to go to bed I ask Paul if he want's me to find a blanket for him. He says "I'll just have the duvet" and I tell him it's not here because me and Yu Lee just got back off holiday. He says "Ok I'll have this then" and points to a throw-over on the back of an arm chair. I tell him he can use that, but if he wants a blanket to ask me and I'll find one for him.

I'm sure that when I woke up the dream had progressed and I was dreaming about something completely different.

A recurring theme in this dream, especially in the parts I don't remember well enough to write down was architecture. I'm pretty sure the first part had something to do with my house, and possibly with getting work done on the house, or wanting to get work done on it.

I'm at home with Yu Lee, except our house is totally different and is in Spain. I was in the garden, and I'm pretty sure we were looking at barbecues at some point. As part of some research for something I'm watching Hollyoaks or something similar on my laptop in the garden.

With about 5 minutes to go my dad and step-mum arrive in their car and park in our garden (which is very similar to my dad's garden and goes right around the house, containing the drive). As I don't want to be ridiculed I quickly close off my tv program.

We are in the garden for a while and I talk to my dad about barbecues and tell him I want a new one. I show him some pictures on the laptop and ask him what he thinks of 'outdoor kitchens' with built in sinks.

The discussion moves on to dinner, and my step-mum says "We were going to go out to a nice little place just outside of Torrevieja, but we can't take the car that far so we'll need to go somewhere in walking distance." I ask why we can't drive and she goes on to explain that she's selling her car, and she's just had the odometer rolled back to 3000 miles and can't let it go too far over when she sells it. I remember thinking you'd never get away with that in England.

"I can drive" I reply, "or more precisely I can drive us there and Yu Lee can drive us back because I'll be drunk!"

Yu Lee told me she had a fungal infection, and I don't remember if it was in her mouth or between her toes, but it was definitely one of those. She showed it to me and it was a little white fuzzy ball.

She pulled it out with her fingers, and I asked if she was going to put it in her pocket. She told me that if she put it in her pocket it would continue to grow for a couple of days, and I said "Like a ballistomycete?" which is a mushroom enemy in Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup. Now that I'm awake I have no idea why I made that comparison as a ballistomycete is a giant mushroom and what she had was a tiny fuzzy white ball of fluff!

The next thing I remember was being outside with several people, two of which were my Mum and my mate Brad from school. We were all waiting for the barbecue to heat up, and several of us were smoking. My mum asked Brad if she could have some of his cigarette and he said yes and handed it to her. She had a couple of puffs on it and then it was finished.

A couple of seconds later Brad said "Oh shit that was a spliff!" but then he told me that it probably didn't matter because it was only the end of it and it was probably all tobacco at the bottom. Mum did seem a little bit jolly but I put it down to the red wine she was drinking.

I dreamt that me and Yu Lee were in our house when a whole army of small, armoured creatures got here. We could hear them outside so we ran up stairs, and as we did they burst into the house down stairs.

There were 2 groups of the creatures and they were fighting each other, but we knew that they were going to overrun the whole place and that our only option was to leave, and that we wouldn't be coming back.

Most of the stuff we would have wanted to take with us was downstairs, but we knew we had to give up on that, so we hunted around for a few things. I knew we would need to sleep outside so I looked for blankets. Our fleecy blankets are always downstairs so I thought we could take duvets but it wasn't ideal.

I also looked for a knife. Yu Lee asked what I was looking for and I described a knife to her that I bought in Spain when I was little, and she said "like this?" and held it out. The weird thing was that she had two versions of it: a full size one and a miniature one. I told her to hurry up because we were running out of time.

We were planning to make our escape out of the bedroom window, and onto the extension roof, where we could wait a while and decide what to do next. The house was getting really hot now, and I knew it was because the heating was broken. In my dream the central heating consisted of a couple of large kettles that looked like metal bins, but with immersion elements in the bottom of them. The kettles were boiling dry and steam was everywhere.

I dreamt I was back at WorldPay, and this time I was in my own office, which is unusual as the rest of the office is open plan. There was a window in the door, and another window on either side of it, and as I was sitting there I noticed Ben through the glass. He clearly noticed me and signalled as if to say "What are you doing here?"

I signalled at him to leave, but he didn't understand and came closer. He signalled at me again through the glass, and I understood that he was asking why I was back and if I got my job back. I signalled that I hadn't, that I wasn't supposed to be here and for him to go away.

Once he'd gone, I laid back down on the floor of the office, under a fleece blanket to try to go to sleep. Then my real life bladder woke me up.

I dreamt of being in a dark place, possibly a cave, on an expedition. I was with Yu Lee, and it wasn't very realistic: it had a real computer game feeling to it.

We both had a torch, helmet and rope, and I was at the top of my rope when all of a sudden I dropped my torch and it rolled away. Yu Lee asked if we should quit but I told her not to be so hasty. Then I lost my footing and felt like I was going to fall. I said "Flashlight ...gone. Rope ...lost. Abort!" and we gave up and left.

In another part of my dream (I don't remember if it was earlier or later) Yu Lee had run a bath, but it was a bit too hot for her so she came downstairs while she waited for it to cool down. For some reason I was waiting for her to have her bath so that I could do something.

I told Yu Lee to hurry up and have her bath and she asked if she could finish playing a game on her computer first, and I told her "no".

I woke up to the sound of my neighbours putting up picture hooks on the other side of the party wall.

In my dream, my dad was going to pick me up to take me on holiday. He arrived at my house (my mum's house where I lived when I was younger) but I hadn't even started packing yet. I quickly tried to pack my things but everything was taking forever and I was going to be late.